By Randolph Gonce

Introduction:

Marriage is a central theme of the Bible. God began marriage in the beginning, with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Lamech, descended from Cain, is the first recorded violator of God’s marriage law. He took two wives. Many people violated God’s marriage law during the ensuing years, but the marriage law remained unchanged.

Under the Law of Moses, many rules and regulations about marriage were part of the Law. Marriage of near kin was forbidden, and Moses gave permission for divorce that was not part of God’s will for marriage from the beginning. Jesus said that Moses did that because of the hardness of the hearts of the Israelites. The Jews had controversy over the marriage laws relating to what grounds for divorce was acceptable to God. Jesus clarified the issue by showing that the only just cause for divorce for a believer in God married to a believer in God is sexual immorality.

The Law of Moses decreed that sexual immorality be punished by stoning to death, but because of the hardness of the hearts of Israel, Moses permitted them to write a bill of divorce and put their wives away because of sexual immorality. The person put away, divorced for just cause, was permitted to marry again, but not permitted to return to their first husband after being married to someone else.

The way that God dealt with marriage issues under the Law of Moses teaches us something about God’s will for marriage. God made provision for man’s failures. He often forgave marriage sins and used weak people to accomplish His purposes. God never overlooks sin, and always requires an accounting for sin, but by His love has paid the account in full through Jesus Christ for all who believe in Him. We should expect God’s grace and mercy to extend to violators of God’s marriage law today, just as He has always extended His grace and mercy to those who love and serve Him.

God’s law for marriage established in Genesis chapter two is derived from this record:

Gen 2:18

And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."

Gen 2:22-25

Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 

Problems With Traditional Teaching on Marriage

Traditional teaching on marriage, divorce, and remarriage concludes that God does not recognize or count marriages made against His will as being marriages in fact. Therefore it is concluded that people who married against the will of God are not really married, but living in adultery. This teaching was developed to encourage faithfulness in marriage, and to prevent the destruction of marriage. However, using error to oppose error does not work. Understanding God’s complete revelation about marriage, divorce, and remarriage will lead to the preservation of marriage by those who truly believe and follow Jesus. 

A study of all the Bible teaches about marriage will convince us that the traditional “living in adultery” understanding of what Jesus taught in Mat 19 is not supported by the general teaching of the Bible. What Jesus said in Mat 19 agrees with the Law and the Prophets. Jesus did not give a new marriage law. Jesus taught about the existing marriage law that was given in the beginning when Adam and Eve were joined as husband and wife in the presence of God.

God’s will for marriage is that one man be married to one woman for as long as they both live. God wants that relationship to be unselfish, with each person concerned for the needs of the other person. They are to be one flesh, and to leave father and mother and cleave to each other.

God commanded that mankind should not destroy this blessed relationship. The very fact that God forbade man to destroy marriage of necessity implies that man can destroy marriage. Would God command against something man cannot do? The Bible is full of stories of how men and women sinned regarding God’s marriage law. Because of the hardness of the hearts of Israel, in that they did not want to obey God’s marriage law, Moses permitted them to divorce their wives because of sexual immorality, and to give them a bill of divorce so that they could go and marry someone else, Deut 24:1-4. This was not God’s will from the beginning, because He wanted men and women to be faithful to each other as husband and wife until one partner died.

Yet God described as divorce His putting away, because of idolatry, of the ten northern tribes of Israel, Jer 3:8. This shows clearly that the sin of unfaithfulness justifies divorce. Divorce was not God’s plan from the beginning, but some sins justify divorce in some circumstances.

Jesus said to Israelites living under the Law of Moses that the only way a man could, without sin, divorce his wife and remarry was if the wife was guilty of sexual immorality, Mat 19:9. This one exclusion given to God’s covenant people living under the Law of Moses does not necessarily apply to all people and all situations. When we study the Bible carefully, we find that Ezra commanded Israelites who were married to foreign wives to divorce those wives, Ezra 10:10-11. Paul showed that a mixed marriage between believer and unbeliever is dangerous, but did not demand divorce. Only if the unbelieving partner departed, divorce was permissible, but not commanded, 1 Cor 7:12-16. Paul indicated that Jesus did not speak about this situation of marriage of a believer to an unbeliever, 1 Cor 7:12-13. Thus we conclude that the context of Jesus’ instruction in Mat 19:9 is to a believer married to a believer, 1 Cor 7:10-11.

We know that the Israelites were not responsible for enforcing God’s marriage law on the people of other nations. Paul taught that Christians are not responsible for policing the morals of the unbelievers, 1 Cor 5:9-13. But when we study Mat 19:9 in light of what Paul said in 1 Cor 7:10-11, it becomes clear that the church is responsible for enforcing God’s marriage law within the church. Willful sin is very dangerous. When people plan to sin, knowing that it is against God’s will, it will be extremely difficult for them to ever repent, Heb 10:26-31. Divorce and remarriage between Christians cannot take place without sin: either the sin of unfaithfulness against the marriage by sexual immorality, or the sin of unjust divorce and remarriage against the will of God, which is called adultery.

The problem in understanding about marriage, divorce, and remarriage is not with what God wants; it is about how violation of God’s marriage law can be repented and forgiven. The Bible does not teach that the first marriage must be restored in order for the sin of unjust divorce and remarriage to be forgiven. In fact, Jeremiah said that returning to the partner of the first marriage after divorce and remarriage would pollute the land, Jer 3:1. Restoration of the first marriage was specifically forbidden by the Law of Moses, Deut 24:1-4. When arguments that we devise by our reasoning lead us to the wrong conclusion, we must examine the foundations of our argument. Wrong assumptions usually do lead to wrong conclusions.

Four Assumptions About Marriage That Cause Conflict.

Four wrong assumptions lead to misunderstanding how we must respond to violations of God’s marriage law. 

1. That a marriage is only a real marriage if it is approved of God, and that a man cannot divorce his wife against the will of God.

The bible is full of history of marriages made against the will of God that were recognized by God as marriages in fact. Every marriage of more than one wife was against God's will, but God recognized those marriages. Men and women marry when they agree to live together as husband and wife. They can marry according to God's will or against his will, but it is a marriage either way.

Jesus said, "What God has joined together, let not man put asunder." Reason tells us that man can do what he is commanded not to do. God does not command against that which cannot be done. When Jesus said, "let not man put asunder," it of necessity implies that man can put asunder. Man can and does divorce and marry against the will of God.

2. 2. That in the context of Matt 19, adultery can only mean having sexual intercourse with someone not your marriage partner, or with someone else's marriage partner.

The scriptures show clearly that adultery has another meaning of unfaithfulness or apostasy. The way a word is used in context always determines the meaning intended. Modern meanings of English words cannot be used as authority for the original meaning of the word in Hebrew or Greek (the modern English meaning of baptism includes sprinkling of infants).

The Old Testament word translated adultery meant having sex with the wife of another man.

The New Testament word translated adultery refers to male paramours as the root meaning.

Both words have apostasy as one of the meanings. Jesus said that a man who lusts for a woman has committed adultery in his mind. A mind that forsakes faithfulness and longs to be connected with another is described by Jesus as committing adultery, Mt 5:28. How can we conclude that adultery can only mean having sexual intercourse with the wife or husband of another person?

In Mat 19 the context forces us to see that unjust divorce and remarriage equals adultery. The sin of apostasy against the wife and against God's will is clearly indicated. When we put all the emphasis on the physical act of sexual intercourse, we miss recognizing what is the real sin under consideration. Jesus did not say that a man who married a woman against the will of God continues to live in adultery. There is no place in the Bible where we can find the phrase "living in adultery." We should be able to describe things taught in the Bible with the same language the Holy Spirit used to teach the thing.

Romans 7:3 simply states the law of God concerning marriage. It clearly says that if a woman is joined to another while her husband is alive, she will be called an adulteress. It says nothing about the fact of living with the second person; it speaks to the result of being joined to someone else while the husband is still living. How many times does one have to commit adultery in order to be called an adulteress? Only once!

3. That Jesus taught the New Testament law on marriage and divorce in Mat 19, and that it is different from the marriage law of the Law of Moses.

While the penalty for violating marriage law was different under the Law of Moses and the law of Christ, the marriage law itself was unchanged, as Jesus clearly showed when he went back to Adam and Eve in the garden to explain how the marriage law has always been.

Jesus in Mat 19 was answering a question pertaining to marriage under the Law of Moses. He said nothing to indicate that he was talking about the future circumstance in his kingdom, but He answered a question that was highly debated in the two rabbinical schools of His time. The school of Shammai held that divorce was only permissible for the cause of sexual immorality. The school of Hillel held that a man could divorce his wife if she fell into disfavor for any reason. The Pharisees were trying to cause problems for Jesus by getting him to speak on an issue that was bound to offend some of the audience. Jesus went back to the beginning and showed what God's will for marriage has always been.

Nothing Jesus said in Mat 19 differs in any way from what the Law of Moses taught about marriage. When Jesus said that from the beginning it was not God's will for divorce to take place, that does not mean that divorce is not called for in some circumstances. God divorced Israel (ten northern tribes) because of spiritual adultery. Jer 3:8 – “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries.” NIV

4. That Jesus was teaching that there is no other just cause for divorce than sexual immorality, and that the guilty party does not have the right to marry after being divorced for sexual immorality.

Deut 24:1-4 directly refutes this position. Jesus said nothing about the right of the guilty party to remarry, but Deut 24:1-4 shows that the guilty party was permitted to remarry.

Also there was and is another reason for divorce allowed in special circumstances; that of a believer married to an unbeliever who is unwilling to live peacefully. Ezra demanded that Israel put away their pagan wives who were involved in trying to prevent the restoration of Jerusalem and the temple worship. There is no record that they were forbidden to marry again.

Paul states clearly that a wife is not bound to an unbelieving husband if he chooses to leave her. Jesus did not address this issue at all in Mat 19, as Paul shows with the words 1 Cor 7:12: “To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord).” NIV

The Bible does not teach that the person guilty of violating God’s marriage law by unjust divorce and remarriage must again divorce in order to repent, and then remain unmarried. The person divorced for the cause of sexual immorality was permitted to remarry, according to Deut 24:1-4. Nowhere in the scripture is the person divorced for just cause commanded not to marry. If the person divorced for just cause was permitted to remarry, why should we think that the person unjustly divorced would not have the right to marry once the preserving of the first marriage is no longer possible? When a Christian refuses to honor God’s marriage law by being faithful to their marriage partner, they may well be classed as an unbeliever. Those who refuse to honor and obey Jesus are not truly believers. See 1 Cor. Chapter 5, 2 Cor. 6:15, and 1 Tim 5:8. A Christian is not bound to continue a marriage where the partner is an unbeliever and unwilling to live with him or her. The scriptures teach that a former Christian who rebels against God and returns to slavery to the world is an unbeliever, 2 Pet 2:20-22.

How Can One Repent Of Unlawful Divorce And Remarriage?

Faithful Christians must not divorce and remarry. If they sin willfully, they are in danger of eternal judgment. Married Christians may separate voluntarily, but should be reconciled or remain unmarried so as to honor God’s marriage law. Marrying another person destroys the first marriage relationship. As long as husband and wife are separated and remain unmarried, the marriage relationship can be restored. But when divorce and marriage to another party takes place, the first marriage is destroyed, Deut 24:1-4. Jesus calls this sin of unjust divorce and remarriage adultery, Mat 19:9. Marriage to either of the divorced parties involves the new marriage partner in the commission of adultery, because marriage of either party destroys the first marriage.

Repentance of the adultery of Mat 19:9 is repentance of unjust divorce and remarriage. That is repented through sorrow for having violated God’s marriage law, and a determination to never again commit the sin of unjust divorce and remarriage.

When an alien sinner comes to Jesus Christ, he or she comes in whatever legal relationships they are in at the time they obey the gospel. Paul commanded this in the context following his instruction on marriage,

“Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you-although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.” (1 Cor 7:17-24, NIV)

We can look through the Bible and never find where a man and a woman who became legally married, although against the will of God, were counted as living in adultery for living as husband and wife. The language “living in adultery” is not found in the scriptures. A marriage made against the will of God is a marriage made against the will of God. It is still a marriage, and the children are sanctified if one of the marriage partners is a faithful believer, 1 Cor 7:14. Children of legal marriages made against the will of God were nowhere in the Bible counted as illegitimate. We must be careful that we teach what the Scriptures teach on this important subject.

Conclusion

Harsh and unbiblical positions on divorce and remarriage have poisoned relationships between Christians. There are many among us who disfellowship those who do not agree with their unbiblical arguments that are handed-down traditional doctrine. What the Bible teaches about marriage in the Old Testament was written for our instruction, and we should learn from it. The Law of Moses was holy, righteous, and good. We should not refuse the lessons taught by the tutor who was bringing us to Christ.

We must avoid using unbiblical study methods in our approach to study of the Bible. Who believes what, or how smart or well educated the teacher, is not the source of Bible authority. The basic teaching of Scripture, considering everything the Bible has to say on the subject, is Bible authority. Many highly educated men have promoted heresy and divided the church ever since the first century. Logical arguments based on wrong assumptions lead to false conclusions. The qualified student of the scriptures will depend on a broad and general understanding of a Bible topic as revealed in the complete teaching of the Holy Scriptures. Truth has nothing to fear from examination.

But some who teach the traditions of men have worked against unity and love between Christians. Men with special training sometimes are exalted by other Christians, and their opinions about inferences of Scripture become standards that are inserted into areas of Bible silence. Concerning what the Bible teaches on marriage, divorce, and remarriage, a friend of mine asked “How can our greatest teachers and most respected Bible expositors be wrong?”

The answer is simple. They have stopped relying on godly wisdom and started relying on human wisdom. Many also say they are too busy to discuss issues when someone challenges their proclamations. This is the agency by which false doctrine enters, through the pride and arrogance of men who fail to submit to the simplicity of revelation given by the Holy Spirit. If a common man can understand the Bible, we do not need highly trained Bible lawyers to explain what it means. The greatest Bible scholars of Jesus’ time, the Scribes and the Pharisees, were the ones who missed the true understanding of the Bible message.

But we do need godly men and women Bible teachers, who have the spirit of submitting to Jesus and to each other in a common search for truth. Good Bible teachers teach others to study and understand for themselves, instead of teaching their own opinions as law. God’s power is in the message of Jesus Christ, not in the ability and persuasiveness of a charismatic teacher.

“When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.” (1 Cor 2:1-5, NIV) 

We need to return to the likeness of the first century church, where Christians helped each other to meet the needs of life, and the teaching of the Bible was the standard of truth. We need to raise up teachers and leaders in the church schooled in what the Bible actually says, and not what tradition teaches. Winning arguments is not the purpose of Bible study. The real purpose of instruction is love from a pure heart, a sincere faith, and a good conscience.

May God bless our study as we seek Him and desire to please Him in our life in Jesus Christ, where we are blessed with His perfect righteousness. I pray that God will lead us to unity in understanding by His completed revelation, and that we will be bound together by His love that is encouraged by the Holy Spirit living and working powerfully in us.

Randolph Gonce

276 Co Rd 56

Stevenson, AL 35772